Long Black Coat, how do I love thee?
You’re puffy with feathers,
And run from my neck past my knees.
You keep me warm while coaching,
When the rink is below 25 degrees.
You’re big and you’re shapeless,
Like a sleeping bag.
Your only bit of decoration,
Is that North Face tag.
I know you make me look
Twenty pounds heavier than I am.
As I skate down the ice,
I look as wide as the Zam.
You’re so bulky and cumbersome,
I can’t demonstrate a thing.
But the frostbite alternative,
Would certainly sting.
We’ve been together,
For at least seven years.
You’re starting to show your age,
And this brings me to tears.
How will I ever replace you,
What will I do?
I get more concerned,
With every feather you lose.
I’ve worn other jackets,
They just don’t compare.
I need to find your twin,
The question is, where?
I’ve searched the web,
And you seem discontinued.
If I don’t find something soon,
I’ll just have to coach in the —–!
Apologies for the disturbing imagery at the conclusion of this otherwise beautiful poem.
Turns out North Face still makes something similar. The stitching is slightly different and it isn’t as ridiculously long. I ordered it online, here, but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to “take it for a spin.”
BTW, lots of great new “skater quotes” in the column over to the right. Thanks to everyone who has been giving me these 🙂