An Ode to my Long Black Coat

February 14, 2011

Long Black Coat, how do I love thee?

You’re puffy with feathers,
And run from my neck past my knees.
You keep me warm while coaching,
When the rink is below 25 degrees.

You’re big and you’re shapeless,
Like a sleeping bag.
Your only bit of decoration,
Is that North Face tag.

I know you make me look
Twenty pounds heavier than I am.
As I skate down the ice,
I look as wide as the Zam.

You’re so bulky and cumbersome,
I can’t demonstrate a thing.
But the frostbite alternative,
Would certainly sting.

We’ve been together,
For at least seven years.
You’re starting to show your age,
And this brings me to tears.

How will I ever replace you,
What will I do?
I get more concerned,
With every feather you lose.

I’ve worn other jackets,
They just don’t compare.
I need to find your twin,
The question is, where?

I’ve searched the web,
And you seem discontinued.
If I don’t find something soon,
I’ll just have to coach in the —–!

***

Apologies for the disturbing imagery at the conclusion of this otherwise beautiful poem.

Turns out North Face still makes something similar. The stitching is slightly different and it isn’t as ridiculously long. I ordered it online, here, but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to “take it for a spin.”

BTW, lots of great new “skater quotes” in the column over to the right. Thanks to everyone who has been giving me these 🙂

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5 Responses to “An Ode to my Long Black Coat”

  1. Out of Candy Corn Says:

    My fondest memories of that coat are of Jocelyn skating with the coat unzipped, the wind sweeping the coat up high behind her like the wings of a very large bug.
    “Ahh, yes” I would say to my students,” Look at that big black locust trying to get that girl to point her toes”. Remarkable.

  2. sitspin Says:

    I think I feel the same way about my bootcovers. I never wrote them a poem though! Funny stuff!

  3. Martina Says:

    Sorry to hear of your Black Coat’s demise
    I hope it doesn’t come to you as a huge surprise
    One day it’s warm, cozy and cuddle-y
    The next it’s filled with dust balls all faded and dusty(duddle-y)
    May your next coat be as practical, warm and swank
    That way… you can take it all the way to the…

    Nice Ode, lady. !!

  4. BA Says:

    Very cute poem, Jocelyn. I hope your new coat rivals your old one in ways you never imagined!

  5. Seamstress Says:

    Could you remove the last six inches of this coat and sew it to the bottom of the new one?

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